when being scared is good

The only thing worst than being on a terrifying plane ride is being on a terrifying plane ride and watching a movie where a character is sitting nicely on a plane and then unexpectedly his plane explodes in mid-air.

I was aghast.

My flight to Bangkok was delayed by 2.5 hours due to bad weather. The rain stopped for a bit during the one hour we were corralled on the plane queuing for our turn on the runway, but by the time we were finally roaring up at speed, we were taking off in a torrent of rain, lightning, and thunder.

It lasted for the better of an hour after take off, a stomach-churning ride of ups and downs and a whole lot of shaking. Having a window seat by the wings, I was terrified. At one point, the combination of horizontal rain, lightning and the plane’s own lights created this bright orange effect down the left side and for a moment I was convinced we were on fire.

In an futile attempt to distract myself, I watched a movie. My eyes widened and my grip on the armrests tightened as Tom Hank’s plane in Cloud Atlas suddenly explodes in mid-air. I thought I was going to die, if not from anything, but from fright itself.

I thought about how we might crash, and then I thought, oh crap, I’m going to die and the last thing I really did was work late the past few nights so I can go on a holiday I’m never going to get to. I was disappointed. I thought, surely you can do better but really? This is it? You could die now and work is all you’ve really done in the past year?

But of course, nothing happened. As in both to the plane and to work. Hua Hin was a blast. I ate a week’s worth of food in three days and laid by the pool reading a book on shit. (It’s good by the way. Really funny, educational, and eye-opening.) And then I came back and dived head first into the frustration and long hours that is work again. My plane ride is no longer a concern, and the state of my life that disappointed me in the face of imminent death (I like exaggerating. But really I was shitinmypants scared) is now shrugged off for the next pay check.

After a few days of that, I thought, something’s gotta give yo and so I’ve decided I’m going to update my CV. It’s a start.


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