Me: I think I’m getting fat.
Guy: You should start wearing baggy dresses.
Guy: You know those Laura Ashley flowery dresses? If you stand silhouetted against the sun, the dress becomes see through and it’s like looking at naked girls!
I was in the hospital getting treatment for taking a hockey ball to the eye. The guy and my teammate Grace had been waiting for me.
Me, walking out: Thanks for waiting. I hope Grace treated you well?
Guy: Actually, of all the girls in your team, I think she’s quite hot.
From now on if he ever comes to a game again, I will wonder if he’s there for me, or just to look out for hot girls…