This guy sat next to me on the bus home the other night. For the entire 1 hour ride, he sat bent over in that airplane brace position, one shoulder half leaning on me. He seemed like he was trying to sleep with a severe stomach ache. Whatever.

Exactly one stop before mine, he suddenly raised himself from his seat and shuffled, still bent over, to the seats across the aisle, sat down, and SPEWED like no one has ever spewed before. It sounded like someone ripping open a large plastic container and dumping slimey liquid everywhere. It was a sickening noise. Sir, I will FOREVER be grateful that you were decent enough to not throw up on me.

That reminds me of all these other more unsavory characters I meet on the bus all the time.

Who would you rather sit next to on a bus?

  • Guy smelling like a thousand cigarettes
  • Guy playing on his PSP with the dinky music turned up loud
  • Woman yakking nonstop on her phone about pointless gossip
  • Baby who won’t stop petting your head (yes, for real)
  • Guy shaving with an electric shaver (right in front of me)
  • Lady clipping her nails
  • Middle-aged guy playing loud music – without headphones
  • Drunk guy sleeping on your shoulder….and leaning lower still

Mmmm. Such lovely people. I can’t decide.


8 thoughts on “Busmates

  1. Oh yeah. And I see the Shaver Guy quite a bit too coz he lives in my building and we ride the same bus. The only reason I don’t see him more often is because he’s always late.

    I know he’s late for work because he almost always sprints the distance between our lift and the bus-stop. (He runs and walks in a duck waddle with his neck out. And he’s short. Sorry, he annoys me.) Plus, he doesn’t have time to bloody shave at home. Ha.

  2. I used to bump into an insane co-commuter years ago when bus-ing it home from uni. He’d choose to sit next to me and when I would escape and change seats he would shout at the top of his lungs, for the entire bus to hear, that I was – wait for it – dishonourable! Well, at least he seemed sophisticated….

    When in high school, I would travel regularly with a smelly semi-hobo who would mutter vulgarities under his breath, every now and again switching to shouting vulgarities at the top of his lungs. He lived in a shell of a house (no electricity, no heating, no windows…) a few houses away from my best friend and would throw stones at passing neighbours. He’d also chase them occasionally with an axe…

    I’ve also had drunks telling me their convoluted life stories.

    Come to think of that, these days I miss out on some interesting human interaction by commuting to work by bike…

  3. nail clipping on the bus has just got to be my all time worst. And THEY ALL do it! WTF, don’t they have bathrooms at home. Doors that shut? Mothers that taught them better? No I bet moms cut their kids nails on the bus as well. Except for the pinky. What’s with the pinky nail that it has to be so long and disgusting and inevitably digging into a hairy ear?

    • Can’t agree with you more.

      Did you know that guys in Indonesia grow their thumb nails long? (Or maybe just one of them.) It apparently shows everyone that they don’t have to do hard labour for a living – hence luxury of being able to grow their nails.

      Not sure what the deal is with the long pinky though….

  4. dora, here is what I have seen so far in my public transport experience with those who sat next to me.

    people (male/female) picking their noses on the bus
    people who have serious body odor
    people who does makeup on the bus
    people who eats stinky stuff on the bus
    people smelling of urine
    people cleaning their ears on the bus
    people listening to music that the whole bus can hear
    people who are drunk and/or stoned

    long nails are nothin…have you seen some women’s nails closer to 6-9 inches per finger?

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