Dear Cat Gods,
If I have ever offended you, I am very sorry.
I love cats. I had one a few years back but she died. I cried and cried. I have many friends who have cats too, and they can all testify that I love them all dearly.
I’m spending this week at my friend’s place to cat sit for her while she is on holiday. I really don’t know what I’ve done wrong in the world of cats, but her two cats are tormenting me.
They meow outside my door when I finally have a chance to sleep in. The little one follows me around the house and meows incessantly.
I tried to use the computer, but she always stands right in front of the screen, blocking my view. Then she walks back and forth across the keyboard, stepping on all the wrong keys. A few times, she even shut the whole thing down when I’m in the middle of something. Then she’d sit right down on the keyboard and paw and meow at me.
I went to hockey training and someone asked me why I was covered in fur. They just shed and shed.
I feed and water them. I pick up the poop they decide to crap outside of their toilet. I mop up the pee they decide to wee under the door.
I was told the little one only eats when she’s being watched. True to form, she would bug me until I finally give up and follow her to the kitchen. So I’d grab a magazine and squat next to her on the kitchen floor until she’s done. See? I’m nice.
Last night, I was ironing my black shirt for work. I laid it down on the ironing board, ironed one side, and then turned it over to do the other side. It was covered in white fur.
I woke up this morning and found one of them with red all around her mouth and all over her face. I was terrified that they would get hurt on my watch. After some panicking around, I realize she’s spent the night chewing on some fake red plastic plant she’s pawed down from a display counter. It’s been there forever, but she’s chose to destroy it on my watch.
I had to go to work so I left her like that. I’m hoping that the plastic isn’t poisonous and that I wouldn’t go home to find her dead.
Dear Cat Gods, please forgive me for whatever wrong I’ve ever done. I’ve always loved cats. Please help me love these two
ugly shedding monsters brilliant cats too and make them leave me in peace!
A tormented cat sitter