Why is it that, while you were still a student, your university couldn’t care less about you, but once you’ve graduated, they treat you like their new best friend, sending you regular newsletters and emails …
– telling you about all the great new improvements being done at the campus.
(Why didn’t they do them when I was there?!)
– how well all of your peers are doing.
(Thereby indirectly telling you what a failure you are.)
– telling you how they awarded honorary degrees to people such as Bill Clinton.
(He probably got paid to appear at the ceremony.)
– listing all the money distinguished graduates have donated to their alma mater.
(Which indirectly tells you how poorly you’ve done.)
– and then of course, happily announce that you can have your name/class/dead hamster’s name etched on a brick (In the new commemorative wall in the new garden pond area!!!) if you would give $XXXXX to support the great university that has nutured you into the fine young person you are today.
Indeed, while my friends and family rarely send me anything since I’ve moved, my university is the only one who’s so diligently kept up with my change of address and still sends me news of people I don’t care about who’s just raised $XXXXX running a marathon in Namibia. I’m so glad someone still cares.
It’s even funnier if you still owe them $XXXXX in student loans.