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My very good friend Cora has recently uprooted from Hong Kong and moved alone to New York City to do her post-doctorate research.
We’ve always had lots to talk about, and now that she’s going through something I’ve been going through, we have even more to discuss.
I’ve found that we both have this overwhelming desire to see someone, or be with someone, familiar.
There are good days, and there are bad. And when things don’t go the way you want them to, you really just need a friendly familiar face.
I’m all for meeting new people and making new friends, but there’s only so much talking to strangers you can do, only so much of introducing yourself you want to do.
Sometimes, you just wanna plop down and yak about random things without having to go through the whole “Hi, I’m Dora. Nice to meet you.”-and-”So what do you do?” phase.
Over the week, I’ve asked a number of friends about meeting people in a new city. It seems like the concensus is that it takes about one year for the average person to get settled and to make any meaningful friendships. It also appears that the older you get, the longer and more effort it takes to meet people. The fact that I’ve been moving around and obsessed about certain things also doesn’t help.
The bad news is: I’ve still got many months to go, and I get so frustrated, I take it out on the only person that I have, which is extremely unfair, and knowing that it’s not right frustrates me even more. I’m sorry.
The good news is: Well, it’s not just me. So I guess there’s nothing wrong with me afterall…
For our predicament: Cora and I are precribing ourselves lots of sleep and lots of exercise. Coincidentally, two days after I bought my bike, Cora got hers for US$60 in NYC! Sleep and bike it is!
As another friend says, projecting negative energy is not gonna draw anyone in!
I have taken to referring to my new flat as The Jungle.
This is the view from my living room:
My front yard is so unkempt that we have minimal natural light in the house. It is so overgrown and covered with fallen leaves (turned mush), spider webs, weeds, once-potted plants, too-long tree branches and climbing vines I believe at least half of the yard doesn’t see sunlight.
Believe me, the yard extends much deeper into the distance than what can be seen here. I seriously wouldn’t know if an entire family of monkeys live under there.
Maybe I could hang out some bananas one day and watch a hand snatch it into the jungle.
Gee. THAT would be freaky. For my sake, let’s erase that thought.
If anyone has a pair of garden shearers to lend me (or perhaps more appropriately, a chain saw and hack knife), I would love to clear the space in time for summer barbeques – and charge my flatmates if they ever feel like using the cleared jungle. Ahhh..I am such an entrepreneur….
The last time I had a bicycle of my own was when I was in, I suspect, kindergarten or Grade 1, when I had an uber-cool original BMX.
It was later scrapped coz I grew up, we grew out of space and we moved away.
I’ve never had a bike since…
…until last night! Woop woop!
London is having a bike craze at the moment and I, unfortunately for my bank account, have been sucked into it.
I casually browsed gumtree.com (the UK version of Craigslist) for second-hand bikes from time to time, until I realise a third of them were stolen for sale and two-thirds are genuine people selling bikes they no longer want or need, with a third of those being too expensive, a third of those being bikes falling apart and a third of them good quality, good-priced bikes.
Needless to say, those bikes go very very fast.
Realising that, I then spent 2 weeks stalking the website and pickily texting people. All came back saying they’ve already been sold, eventhough they’ve just posted their ad up one day ago. So I realise I need to catch ads that’ve gone up within 24 hours, contact the person and basically physically get there on the same day, before anyone else does.
(Hey, you gotta work hard for what you want right?)
And that is how I spent an entire lunch time texting anyone and everyone with a reasonable bike for sale. Three got back to me saying it’s still available, I picked the best looking one, and then the same evening travelled across the whole of London, paid £60 in cash, and rode the tube home with my “new” bike beaming like Angelina’s just adopted a baby in Africa.
I felt very smug coz even as I was trying out the bike, the guy kept getting calls and texts about it. I felt like texting each and everyone of them saying, “Haha! SUCKER!”
I was so excited about my new toy I hopped off the tube to ride it home – only to realise I’m an extremely unfit, inexperienced city rider being hit with an uphill road.
Damn. I ended up pushing my bike up the hill as others whizz by. So much for the excitement.
But still, I must have been at one of my most excited forms since getting a job and settling in my new flat!
After my little initiation into city riding, I now have much more respect for cyclists and their physique, stamina, and bravery. Being wedged between two double-decker buses is, as I found out, not fun.
Considering Angelina named her babies according to where they came from – maybe I should name my bike. Hey, guys give girl names to their cars, so maybe I should give my bike a guy name. What is a typical West London name?
It’s been a tiring week. Hadn’t been able to sleep very well since moving into my new place. I kept waking up a couple of times during the night panicking that I need to go to work. I hadn’t grasp the best times to get the bus and all that and kept worrying that I’ll show up late.
Finally, on Friday night, I managed to move my bed around and create space for my desk, then dismantle, move, and reassemble said desk in my room, then unpack and organise everything.
Now that I’m finally settled, I have more time to reflect on things…
Sitting at home one evening, I’ve just realised that all the friends I have are those that I’ve made in school and uni. None I’ve made since I ventured out into the great wide world of work.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gotten along well enough with people at work. We go out for lunch, sometimes drinks after work and an occasional weekend out somewhere. But once I leave the workplace, contact sort of dwindle down and eventually, all you’re left with is their Facebook page.
Even when I was working with them, our friendsips were not such that when you’re bored on a Saturday afternoon, you’re going to call them up and go “Hey, you bored? Yeah me too. Ok, let’s go to H&M and play with their racks of accessories.”
The thing with school friends is that you all hung out together because you had something in common – you chose each other. But for people at work, you are in a way forced into the friendship.
I’m actually very curious how common this is. Is it just me? Or do most people don’t really develop meaningful friendships once they leave school?
I was hoping that my new permanent flatmates will fill in this gap, if ever just slightly, but I suspect my visions of living a London version of Friends is not really going to happen.
Now that I am in a strange land with a boyfriend who is definitely not interested in hanging out in H&M, I wonder how, and if, I will make any I-can-call-them-up-any-time-and-hang-out-together friends here.
Four and a half months. This little flat-moving of mine is actually a rather big milestone.
It’s taken me 4.5 months to get settled. Who would’ve thought that it’d take so long?
For the past few months, I’ve been obsessed with my job hunt and my flat searches. Now that I’m finally settled, I can focus on other things – like enjoying myself, going places, doing things, and other more mundane everyday activities like shopping for a toothbrush holder.
:D
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