Random Thoughts: Beefpies

So, you’re going to see your beefpie huh?

Says the French dude at my office.

 

Is that how the French refer to men?!

 

I still haven’t decided whether “Beefpie” or “Nasty” sounds nastier.

What would you want to be called?

To: The Guy That Shaves On The Bus,

I normally do not fault people for being short with knobbly legs, for walking like a duck, or for using super-glue to gel their hair.

But since you are all of the above and you SHAVE ON THE BUS, I think you are short with knobbly legs, walk like a duck, and use super-glue to gel your hair.

 

You also live just a few floors above me in my building and when I stepped into the lift this morning to see you and your pink shirt with too-long sleeves, I puked in my mouth.

 

You are always late for work. I know because everytime I see you, you are half-running for the bus. And when you get to the bus stop, instead of standing in line like everyone else, you go to the start of the line so that you’ll get on the bus with no more seats left and stand the 1 hour journey into town.

And you SHAVE WHILE STANDING IN THE BUS.

 

The buzz-buzz of your shaver annoys me to no end and when you stand in front of me shaving, I’d like to pretend I’m having a nightmare in my seat and kick you in the balls.

 

And to all those who clip their nails on public transportation, you suck just as much.

 

Sincerely,

Me-who’s-just-had-a-bad-weekend-and-too-bad-you’re-the-first-person-I-see-on-Monday-morning

November 3, 2008

That is the date on my one-way ticket to London.

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Some think what I’m doing is brilliant.

Some think that this whole idea is shit.

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I am excited.

I am scared.

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Please tell me I am being brilliant.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the places and moments that take our breathes away…

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Someone give me some brain blinkers.

Guys, clean your vulvas

So, I was in Guangzhou the other weekend, and amongst the typical soap and shampoo gear you find in hotel bathrooms, I found this:

Yes, it’s important to keep your private parts clean. With specially designed lotion too. 

I’ve seen things like this in supermarkets and such for women, but this is the first time I’ve seen a guy’s version. Whatever. Equal rights right?

Then I turned the package over:

This is a righted up-close version:

SO. They have this new international anti-virus agent DP300. Fancy eh?

But this said anti-virus agent kills bacteria! Right. Someone either needs to sign up for Basic Biology, or, rather, Basic Common Sense. That is, if there’s anything more basic than common sense.

It also keeps you safe if you happens to have sex with someone who happens to be infected with, um, bacteria.

So yes, dudes, clean your vulvas.

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If guys have vulvas, I wonder what we have. I mean, afterall, this is a matter of personal concern. I might not be having the right gear! *gasp*

So I flipped over the Female Sanitary Lotion package and saw this: 

Phew! So I DO have the right stuff!

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I am concerned for the men of Guangzhou. Perhaps they are built differently.

My dad is from Guangzhou.

Damn the AC

I suspect my family is playing a joke on me.

If you want to piss me off at the end of a day, it’s very easy.

Turn on the air-con at home.

 

First, I sit on a freezing bus on my way to work in the mornings.

Then I sit frozen in front of the computer screen for 8 hours.

Then I ride another freezing bus home.

 

I look forward to an un-AC-ed room.

 

Then I step through the front door and am blasted with frozen air yet again.

That’s when I get very cranky.

 

My cat and her 10-inch surgical scar greets me and tells me she’s cold too.

Together we trod off to my room and bake in the delight of 30 degrees heat.